My masturbation has always been primarily for the use of the bidet and a couple of years sat on my hand and touched me, which I find much more enjoyable. But until not long ago I experienced something that was wrong and I felt half evil. But otherwise caused me much pleasure, so do not ever stopped. And I guess that's where the blame.
It was recently, as a student of psychology, reading the subject and through therapy, I could begin to experience masturbation as something natural, something that gives me pleasure as well as shock and helps me to know more.
My first experiences began about 15 years, they were kissing, touching, where I played and I played, but it went further. I guess that's my upbringing always had the idea for having had to be a bride.
Around 20, I began to be with my current partner but were not dating, but something like "amigovios" I was not convinced with that kind of relationship but still went ahead. Once we were in the room of Daniel, began to caress, to kiss and he began to masturbate with her fingers inside my vagina. I remember I was feeling much pleasure, perhaps too much ... I suddenly felt scared, I asked him to stop and I left to mourn very distressed. When I got home I felt dirty, something like a prostitute. I thought there would be over something but it was a serious relationship. After that, a scene which was buried to this day, my relationships were no more kisses and caresses.
Around 22 I started dating a guy 27. With it I had my first sexual relationship. It was in my house. I remember we were in my room ... and we left a month ago, the thing was getting "hot" and in my mind was the question: what did or did not?, I doubted if I do not know because for education or having had to be a bride. Until then I did not know if we were dating or not. So the question is answered with a question - what are we? To which he replied: - are not we dating? Et voila! already had consent to sex. Then I decided. When I entered was painful, but had to endure. When we finished I felt good and evil at the same time. Do not know if I had done well, maybe he should have waited for more ...
He excited me, I liked being with him. But as time went on I could not achieve orgasm through penetration, only a few times if he touched me, but this did not happen often. We had foreplay, he penetrated me, had just ended and there is everything. I was beginning to sense that something was wrong because it did not reach orgasm . My boyfriend did not attach much importance to whether or not I finished, or enjoyed in any way. It was simple: just and put to sleep. I was pretty frustrated. Since there was satisfaction in another way that was not masturbating. After 8 months of a relationship unsatisfactory in every way, I left. I felt betrayed and a lot of time thinking about sex with him I was disgusted.

My second relationship was with a guy named James, was not my boyfriend, but going very well. After 15 days have known we had our first sexual intercourse. Although I thought I should know more before you have time, I needed to get me out the bitter taste of my other relationship. So basically we had a sexual relationship, we met and went to bed. With him I learned to be more uninhibited and take my sex as such, without thinking so much about feelings. He did things that I liked, gave me pleasure, made me laugh. Although the fact that I came to orgasm was not worried much. One of the things that excited me was the size of his penis. I liked that power and size. After three months we fought.

After this relationship was when I got with my current boyfriend. Between Daniel and I always had great chemistry. And when we started to have expected him things were different, as it always was very uninhibited about sex and I liked the idea of ??get carried away by him in this field. I would be able to accomplish it with other things that I had not encouraged. Unfortunately, in the end I almost always. I started to worry about not being able to enjoy. Luckily I was able to speak frankly and is the first time I feel like someone is interested in my satisfaction, I noticed that there was not much interest in it was me.
He excites me and in my fantasies always get co-stars, I like to touch, and is the first time I enjoy playing someone, I have oral sex with him, and I like ... without the feeling of humiliation, I like to give pleasure, and most importantly, I feel pleasure in doing so. I can, but with effort and a little embarrassed, let him know that I have wanted to have sex with him. While I realize that it's hard to ask. I turn and I always said I do not know how to ask for things in the face.
The issue of penis size Daniel was something I thought at first much: unlike Santiago, Daniel's penis is on the small side. I think that, at times, was an obstacle. There is a fantasy like that maybe it lacks volume, penetration, I can get more pleasure. And linked to this the fact that I often feel that he just too fast. When he is already "in full" I just starting to raise my temperature. There was a time, but did not reach orgasm, went well, but the inability to achieve it began to become an obstacle in our relationship.
Each time we begin to touch us and play start thinking I'm not going to end. And I anticipate further discomfort. I feel like a failure before you start and I can not enjoy it before. At the same time, I can not ask me to do such a thing, because it's like to feel that I am at fault. I have no right to ask anything. I started stigmatized by the fact that I will never get an orgasm. So when we're together, I can not enjoy touch, kiss or caress, because it is as if all you are expecting is the goal of orgasm, and penetration.
Either way I think that is who I felt better and I feel I have much to give, and I think he can help me discover a lot about me as there is chemistry, I like to touch me, excites me to be around, think like me kisses, what I said or how I play.

My fantasies, alone or accompanied by masturbation , however, are a mix of erotic and romantic, usually I have a very active position where I talk and pray that I do things. Where I am like a mixture of "femme fatale". In my fantasies break everything I want to do and I do. But as I will be that, when going into action in real life, I assume a position of "Do me what you want and however you want." So the fantasy is something like a wish-fulfillment, and the more I'm actually the opposite where I hope it do and where I pretend that the other knows and guess what I want and what is not. I usually do not speak because I am ashamed. Always ask to cost me in my relationships that I liked, let me do more in noticing that he was pleased the other instead of what I met me.

I always turn to other cost in the sexual relationship, and enjoy the experience of being together without thinking of anything else. Whenever my head is at stake over my body. Whenever I'm with someone I find it hard to connect with that moment, my head thousands of thoughts flowing, "like me", "where does this end?", "Am I doing it right?", "What am I doing here?" ...

Many times I feel like my body and my head were separated.